Your life is not a random occurrence

“Does the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you making?’ Does your work say, ‘He has no hands’?” Isaiah 45:9

“No, don’t say that. Who are you, a mere human being, to argue with God? Should the thing that was created say to the one who created it, “Why have you made me like this?” Romans 9:20

“I was raised to believe that God has a plan for everyone and that seemingly random twists of fate are all a part of His plan.” Ronald Reagan

When you or the loved one does not get healed on a spot as an answer to prayers you feel grief and even anger with God. It seems unfair and unjust.

About a month ago my husband’s business associate was diagnosed with last stage of pancreatic cancer. For over a year her condition was not diagnosed. When she finally was diagnosed she received a very grim prognosis- only weeks to live. Why? Could Lord cure her on a spot? There is no doubt in my mind of his omnipotence. And it is hard to accept that He has his reasons for everything.

When recently the result of an MRI showed that I had a tumor in my ankle, I could not believe it. I became frightened and devastated. The word “oncology” is a scary one… Having my husband’s business partner diagnosed with late stage of terminal cancer left me anxious, my heart was going out to her and there I was, uncertain in my own future. Once again I was asking ”Why, God?” questions, that usually are not answered right away. Lord does not cure terminally ill patients all the time. It is especially difficult to witness someone die young, before their time. It is always scary to receive a frightening diagnosis. When we get a cure, and I consider all cures miraculous, how do we evaluate what we learned and how can we apply those lessons to the rest of our lives? Lord created the Universe and has a plan for everything and everybody. We all are destined to depart to be with our Heavenly Father forever and we never know when our time will run up.

As I am writing this, it has been almost four weeks since my surgery. I can have to stay in bed and can move only on crutches or in a wheel chair. I was recently reminded about the time I was crushed by devastating panic attacks. Pain was so real, so excruciating- I was completely distressed and wiped out. I remember thinking then: it was probably the only way Lord will grab my attention without giving me something really awful to deal with. I also thought He has something for me to do and I am learning through pain. I was learning to be silent for one, because I was crashed and could not move. I was on disability and stayed in bed for days at the time. I remember thinking that if something was to happen to my foot, I would still come to work, even if in a wheelchair. I also realized when I worked full-time I was not giving my full attention to God. I had to learn to be still and completely rely on my Creator, trust and listen. I will never know how many people prayed for my healing but I know they did. Why was I not healed on the spot, why did it take three long years to overcome severe panic attacks? It is only for my Creator to know. I learned to trust God and I am glad I did not doubt Him through my ordeal.

Here I am now, working again, even if from a wheel chair. What kind of teacher should I be, what have I learned in past years? Would I focus more of delivering the subject I teach in the most professional way? What is it that I need to share with my students? Shall I send them messages to remind that our Lord really cares about them and loves them? Shall I pray with my students before every class or would it be too legalistic for some? I began praying for them and will continue to do so. I also was reminded of being undisciplined writing this blog. Lately I have been thinking about words discipline and disciple. Is it a coincidence or there is a deeper truth to a fact of a word “disciple” being a part of a word “discipline”? How should I discipline myself to be a true disciple of my God? What lessons did I learn through pain, what was impressed on my heart? There were many. If you are suffering now- ask Lord to reveal what lessons he want you to learn.

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Posted on October 15, 2011, in anxiety, death, disability, healing, illness, life's purpose, prayer. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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